I cried four times yesterday. That lurching in my stomach, that tightness in my chest, that sting in my eyes. I'm feeling it now. I can literally cry on cue. Am I heartbroken? Heavens, no; my husband is more wonderful than ever. Am I stressed to be starting the new school year? Of course, but not enough to make me cry. Then, what, Miss My Life is Perfect, is troubling you so?
More than ever before, I am plagued by feelings of unease as we go deeper into this crazy thing we call election year. I know! You were all so worried about me, reading that first paragraph. And whereas some may think, "oh, that. don't be so dramatic", others of you are right here with me, literally praying to God every night for the Democrats to take back what is ours. I have been watching the major speeches of the DNC this week, and the more passion I see, the more I believe it might actually happen. However, this is America. Land of the nothing comes free and the home of the rich, white oligarchs. My cynicism is battling with my hopefulness. My head v. my heart. When someone ticks out on a list all of the terrible things that have happened/are happening under Republican rule (like Hill did last night in her AWESOME speech!), I literally get scared. I said to Pat after the speech last night, "Oh, no. What ever will we do if Obama loses???" He is a mellow and practical fellow and responded, "The same thing we've done for the last eight years: cope."
All the while in my car I'm listening to MPR and they have extensive coverage and feature stories of all things election. I am actually volunteering with a political group. We watch more CNN at home than ever before (unless the Twins are on). I feel like I am TOO informed for my own good. In the past, I have tended to just vote my ticket on one side. But the older I get, the more I understand about this crazy-ass world, the more I want to know. The more I want to be involved. And it's driving me insane. It's nearly all I think about.
I am scared for my own faith in the nation I love. What if people would rather have four more years of this hell than (dare I go here), have a black president? I don't know how I'll "cope".
Watching the footage of the DNC is what makes me renewed in my faith that democrats should rule, always, without doubt. In the crowd, you see all races, all genders, all ages. People raising flags for unions, for gay rights, for everyone and everything. You WILL NOT see that at the RNC. We are the people. The real people. The representation of all groups. There are rich democrats, Catholic democrats. And, I'm not a total closed-minded idiot; I know there are decent Republicans. I know there are diverse Republicans. But if they don't pass any policies to prove it, then I can't get on board with it.
Sigh. Double sigh. Pray for our country. And for heaven's sake, VOTE!