Oh, my heart. Oh, my mind. Oh, my butt. Yes, all are relevant. This week has been a whirlwind of emotions I am both plagued by and rejoicing in. One syllable, many meanings: wayt.
Weight: Last week I joined WeightWatchers. I am attending meetings and everything. So far, it is two things, difficult and exciting. I struggle not to eat the ingredients as I cook the meal. I resist the temptation to dive into the bowl of M&M's in the staff lounge. I tick points off in my head through the day, remembering that even a glass of milk is not negligible. Fiber One with skim organic milk=4 points; coffee with 2 tbsp. half and half=1 point...and it's only 9:30 AM. But also, I revel in my self-control. I CAN only eat 3 Girl Scout Samoas (6 points); I don't have to eat a whole row. I am satisfied eating one cup of beef stew (5 points); I don't have to have seconds. Less than a week and I am proud, and I haven't even seen results yet. Ask me in a month if I feel the same, but so far, so good.
Wait: I have decided not to be the head speech coach at my school any more. The reasons are many and I have debated with myself for many months. I am not cut out for managerial tasks, discipline responsibility, and frustrating menial tasks. I coach because I love speech and kids and know how important this activity is. I am demoting myself to assistant coach. Work with the kids, enjoy the kids, teach them well, laugh and rejoice with them. But, no one of importance knows yet. I am waiting. Or not waiting. I am undecided. I am up for tenure this year. If I wait until I'm tenured, I'm assured I won't lose my job because of it. If I tell them now, I give them the opportunity to find the best, which is what the kids deserve. Is this a time to be selfish with a struggling economy? Or the time to be selfless for the kids I adore?
Weight: Because they deserve the best. Last night we had our section tournament. We did amazing, taking 3rd place (with only 23 kids) and are sending 2 to state. BUT (isn't there always a but?) we should be sending 3 to state. One of my students took 3rd place but was disqualified for a rule violation. A rule I enforce. But as a freshman who only kind of remembers all the rules we went over months ago, I feel this was my lack of "with-it-ness"; I should have reiterated ALL the rules before the section tournament. These kids need a GREAT head coach, they have such potential. (Of the 12 in finals, only 1 was a senior; 4 were freshman.) I am only a good head coach. I want better for them, and my heart is heavy knowing I might prevent this from happening intentionally.
Wait: Life, on the upside, outside of speech and my big butt, is fabulous. I have realized recently (or maybe just more every day) how distinctly perfect my husband is. We are, if you'll excuse my bragging, ridiculously happy. Life together every single day is thrilling. I love being married. And so, we wait. This state of being important to each other more than anything or anyone else (like, say, babies), will go on and on. Will there be a bigger house and another dog and okay, babies, in our future? Darn tootin'. But not now. This is too sweet. This is too perfect. We are so blessed.